Traditionally, November is the month of the Holy Souls. A time to recall all our friends and loved ones, and pray for their eternal rest. This set me thinking about all those we have known who died this year. There have been many and we have attended several funerals in very different settings. My husband’s best friend from primary school, who became a Methodist Minister; our nextdoor neighbour in the Welsh chapel in our village; my brother-in-law in the Catholic church of St Teresa in Colchester; some of our parishioners in our own little parish of St David in Llandeilo and a simple farewell to a cousin in a crematorium in Devon. May they all rest in peace.
One funeral I couldn’t attend was that of my penfriend on Death Row in Mississippi. Thank God that, because he was married to a lovely supportive wife, he was actually able to have a funeral. He was executed in June after almost 50 years in prison. He wasn’t a Catholic, but was visited regularly by the Catholic Chaplain and told me, in his last letter, that he was resigned to his fate and believed in eternal life. I was profoundly affected by his execution, but deeply grateful to that prison chaplain for his support and comfort for Richard. Do spare a prayer for the many prisoners on Death Row in the States.
One of our daughters is a palliative care nurse at a hospice, so death is a common subject of conversation between us. Recently she set up a day with a Palliative Care Consultant, Kathryn Mannix, talking about the end of life. What a wise, experienced and compassionate person she is. She recommends talking about death in an everyday way, because as she points out, the death rate in the UK is 100%. (In fact it is 100% across the world!) It is the one certainty in life, so let’s be comfortable with it. She reminded us that in the past most people died at home, surrounded by their families, so it was a common occurrence. Now, many people die in hospitals or care homes and we have become distanced from the reality of death.
She has been present at over 3,000 deaths in her career and she assures us that 95% of people die “ordinary deaths”. In other words, always following a similar pattern; a gentle process and not frightening, either for the person dying or for those present. It is a natural process and will happen to us all.
St Benedict enjoins us “to keep death always before our eyes” (Ch 4) For him it is a part of life and is the gateway to our final union with God. If we think about it like this, it is to be welcomed as the culmination of our faith journey through this life. “Heaven is our real home”, as our future palliative care nurse once informed us, coming home from school when she was 6!
I leave the final word to St. John Henry Newman,
“I know my God, I must change. If I am to see
your face, I must undergo the change of death.
……… support me as I proceed in this great, happy
change, with the grace of your unchangeableness.”
Mary Jones
Oblate of Prinknash
(Kathryn Mannix has written 2 books which I highly recommend, “With the End in Mind” and “Listen – How to find the Words for Tender Conversations”)
