January, season of resolutions quickly abandoned! I have more or less ceased even to think of making resolutions at the turn of the year, knowing from experience how depressed it makes me when on January 3rd everything has fallen apart again. Before the year turns, however, it is good to look back with gratitude at all the relationships, situations and events which in fact were blessings last year, however much went pear-shaped, however much sadness or change or disappointment I experienced. It will surely be the same surprising mixture again for us all this year; that is Life. So onward and upward with a grateful heart and trust in the mercy of God!
We launch yet again into the so familiar beginning of the Rule. Maybe it is too familiar. The word ‘listen’ may barely register. It sounds so simple, yet if I pause for a moment and think about it, when am I ever really listening? How often, when I profess to be listening to others, am I actually thinking about something else, or anxious for the other to listen to my story? How often am I trying to do several things at once – read the paper, listen to Radio 4, eat my breakfast, make a list of the day’s tasks, check my e mails … how often have I actually no idea what is being said on the radio? Has it become mere noise in the background? Have other people, too, become mere noise in the background of my life, my concerns? Then there is the noise in my head even when otherwise there is silence round me. Have I even started to try switching that off? Howwould I start?!
Out for a walk earlier this year I was suddenly aware of an unfamiliar birdsong. I could have walked on, head full of the usual racket, but I was caught by the song and stopped and looked and waited with unusual patience, till I spotted the blackcap on a branch quite near to me, singing its heart out. Only if you consciously slow down can you really listen. Cultivating the ability to listen, both to others and to God, can be an uphill struggle. I certainly find it so. If I do not listen, however, then I cannot form a deeper relationship with anyone, let alone with God. Benedict knows that this is the essential starting point. We probably know it as well. So why is the call to listen not reaching my heart? This is my Son, the Beloved; listen to him. (Mark 9) What is stopping me? What do I fear might happen if I do listen? Why do I not want to hear what God might want to say to me? This is the God who loves me!
Here are a few things God might be saying to me:
Peace be with you …Do not be afraid.
What do you want me to do for you?
Come to me, all you who are overburdened, and I will give you rest.
I have come that you may have life.
You did not choose me; I chose you.
Make your home in me, as I make mine in you.
I stand at the door and knock.
So maybe it would be good to pray for the grace to become a listener this year. I have nothing to lose after all, have I? I could start by creating a listening zone, however tiny, in my day. My shelves are groaning with books on how to go about prayer, I am not short of advice! But I could keep it simple and just sit with the Gospel and read it slowly, imagining myself perhaps in the events, hearing Jesus speak to me directly. Then I could ask myself at the end of each day: where did God speak to me today? Where was I listening? Where did I find it hard to listen? Jesus himself must surely have spent the best part of 30 years listening to his Father before launching himself into his mission. I may feel I have not got quite so much time left to get my act together, but what I certainly do have is today.
This world is in urgent need of those who listen to God, those who seek peace, those who do good, those who hear the call and take it seriously. Each day of this coming year will offer fresh chances to be that person I am called to be, a light to others around me in what often seems an increasingly dark world. January, a graced time in which to become a listener to the God who loves me. Who knows what difference that will make to my life this year, and to those whose lives touch mine?
Mary Cockroft
Oblate of Stanbrook Abbey
